Монеточка

English Translation | Селфхарм

Монеточка

Updated on

I smell like self-harm, I smell like a very bad plan
I smell of childhood trauma and hysterics till morning
Awkward pause, stuffy room
I smell of distrust towards therapists, and
My scent is a hundred percent cortisol
I hide feeling behind a clown mask, lol
I smell of jealousy and hatred, but
Don’t worry, I’ll punish myself later
I smell like scrolling TikTok for eight hours
I smell like a shock, like “don’t come near — it’ll kill”
Like a crocodile, like a slow aunt ahead
When the path is narrow, and there’s no way around
I smell like fear of looking you in the eye
So many years searching for words, but never saying them
I smell like exposed wires
Groundless panic
Depressive city

And you smell like calm, like silence in the head
You’re like ten hours of uninterrupted sleep
You’re Thursday, you’re 4:00 PM, you’re chamomile tea and peace
I cry endlessly, and you smell like those tear-free shampoos
Like care, like home, like the ability to be serious
And to love for a long time, endlessly love
And you smell like calm, like silence in the head
You’re like ten hours of uninterrupted sleep
You’re Thursday, you’re 4:00 PM, you’re chamomile tea and peace
I cry endlessly, and you smell like those tear-free shampoos
Like care, like home, like the ability to be serious
And to love for a long time, endlessly love

I smell like garbage, but I beg you, wait
I won’t ask for much, I have a simple request:
Please let me lie on you like a patch
As if you were sand, and I was a skate or a catfish
To calm down in your serene arms
But I smell like fear, like running away in haste
Like waking up in the middle of the night, crying and talking
Like biting nails or lips till they bleed
Like a caged tiger, nervously pacing in circles
Like embellishing to please others
Like a scratched screen, a missed call
Like an untreated neurosis, a leaking ceiling
I smell of fear of looking you in the eye
So many years searching for words, but never saying them
And in this sense, you got very lucky
You understand yourself, it could’ve been neither here nor there

Because you smell like calm, like silence in the head
You’re like ten hours of uninterrupted sleep
You’re Thursday, you’re 4:00 PM, you’re chamomile tea and peace
I cry endlessly, and you smell like those tear-free shampoos
Like care, like home, like the ability to be serious
And to love for a long time, endlessly love
And you smell like calm, like silence in the head
You’re like ten hours of uninterrupted sleep
You’re Thursday, you’re 4:00 PM, you’re chamomile tea and peace
I cry endlessly, and you smell like those tear-free shampoos
Like care, like home, like the ability to be serious
And to love for a long time, endlessly love